so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
