i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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