The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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