i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
