At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize