she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
