She is in my trunk
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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