WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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