You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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