Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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