I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
