I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
