I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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