Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
