Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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