Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
