I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
