Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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