He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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