i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
