I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
