So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
