Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
