So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
