I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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