I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
