It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
