i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
