You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
