He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
