i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I fill condoms, not promises.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
