When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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