I think im going to throw up on grandma
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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