She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
