Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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