Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize