Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
