I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize