Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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