flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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