I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
