At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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