I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
