One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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