jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
