Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
