my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
