Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
