YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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