I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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