oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
