my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
as a side note pls kill me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
