My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
try to milk me bitch
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