Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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