I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
