My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's always time for handjobs
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
