she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize