do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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