We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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