life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
