my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
