I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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