Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Congratulations! We have a period
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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