You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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