don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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