probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize