I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
