I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just pee around me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
