Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't deserve a penis
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
