Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Farmville is her only friend.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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