i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
