you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
