then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
