Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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