so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
