This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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