booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
