U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you still have your period?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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