How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
