We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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