so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
