I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
