So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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