Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
