Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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