I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize