god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
