I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if only i could text you this smell
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
