i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
