I CAN MOONWALK!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My bed smells like the plague
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
