If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
