I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
