the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize