We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
