You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
